Despair.

Despair comes in so many forms.  An old friend found that she was having a miscarriage on Monday.  She is handling it very well.  She knows she can rely on the strength of God and that this trial will only grow her faith.  My heart is extremely saddened for her.  I have that fear in the pit of my heart that I’ll go through that same heartbreak.  Heartbreak is a big deal.  One thing I’ve been noticing in life is that our immediate seems giant to us, but in the future, when we look back on what was our immediate, we see it really wasn’t that giant after all.  Sometimes this comforts me.  I can see that, no matter what it is I’m going through, it’s not so big.

*Granted, it could be a truly giant thing, but I see those only as birth, death, and salvation.

Each of us has some type of despair in our lives.  Sometimes it is big, sometimes it is little.  We may not think on it everyday, but when we do, we are saddened.  Personally, I try to push away particular realities by not thinking about them.  In a way, I subconsciously try to negate their reality, but this does nothing but hurt me.  My biggest despair right now is feeling like I can’t establish a solid stream of growth in the Lord.  On one hand, I feel pitiful – like if I really cared, I’d just suck it up.  On the other hand, certain practices don’t fit me and I am still searching for some that do.  I certainly “down” myself when I think of this despair.  Especially going to a Christian college, you feel like everyone has this all figured out and you’re the only one that has no clue.

*Granted, I know this is incorrect, because we all are lacking.  None of us are perfect, so I shouldn’t view anyone in that way.

In our times of despair, it’s important to know that God has our back.  Some people believe that God is too big to care about us and our little problems.  I don’t believe that.  I believe Yahweh, my God, is a personal God.  He cares about my life as a parent ought to care about their children.  I believe He sees my every wish, thought, desire, remorse, and despair and loves me for it and through it.  I believe an insurmountable strength can be found in His arms.

*When I was a child, and scared, I would close my eyes and pretend to be under a giant God’s arm, snuggled up close to His body, where I had no worries and nothing could harm me.  Occasionally, I still practice this and it always brings me comfort and peace.

Whatever your despair is this week, this month, even this year, I hope you can lean on God to help you through it.  If you have no idea what that looks like, send me a message.  There’s nothing I want more than to share God’s love and peace and acceptance with everyone else.  And it’s best when it comes from Him.

 

 

 

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