Oh, how I long for contentment.  I am often reminded at how many things I am blessed with.  I am often able to see how my life is stitched together in a way more perfect than I could accomplish if at my own sewing machine.  Sadly, these glimpses of gratitude don’t keep me feeling content 100% of the time.

I am a beggar.  A wanter.  An envy-er.  If it’s cool and you have it (or it’s in stores), I wish I had it.  If your life has the things I want in it (or even appears to), I am jealous.  How?  Why?  Can’t I just grow up and realize that I have it GREAT in this life?

I fear that contentment will be something I will struggle with my entire life.  The opposite is taught in every facet of our culture.  You better “keep up with the Jones’.”  You need the newest, best, coolest things or you are behind.

What I am learning is that there is more knowledge available to mankind than could be grasped by one person in a million lifetimes.  There are way too many complexities of life, each having its own complexities.  And there is no guide.  No life map.  No instruction booklet.

We figure life out when it needs figuring out.  When we are pressed to accomplish something, it gets accomplished.  We worry ourselves too much with things that will never happen, or won’t happen for a very long time.

What do we want out of life?  What is important to us as individuals?  I know this is different for everyone.  I do think, though, that for most all people, if we do not have our goals in front of us, we will folly.  We will lose focus and look back thinking, “I should have worked towards getting this when forever ago.” (Yes, I know I exaggerate.)

Things I want:

1) To have a happy marriage

2) To have children (and soon!)

3) To have a relationship with my Creator and Sustainer.

Things I focus on wanting on an almost daily basis:

1) Establishing a chore schedule (including grocery shopping)

2) Actually getting my butt to the grocery store

3) Needing to do laundry (back to #1)

4) Figuring out when I’ll get to spend time with Corey

5) Finding a balance between productivity and rest

6-…) Learn Spanish, Scrapbook old photos, Decorate our house, Plan for a baby, Cook a good meal, Get rid of clutter

The lists could go on forever (again with the exaggerations :))

These lists are not without work.  This week I have been focusing on exercising and meditating on a regular basis.  I am happy to report that I have exercised thrice since Monday and have walked/elliptical-ed a total of 6.34 miles.  (This is quite the accomplishment for me since I had not done any exercises in over 3 weeks.  (Other than between the sheets that is ;))

What I am trying to do is worry less and be content more.  I am doing well with what I have in front of me.  I was selected as an employee of the month for October 2013, and I am growing a green pepper from seeds of a green pepper that I ate!  My husband and I are still madly in love and strive to live life with walls-down and playfulness up.  We are on track to having babies in the near future.  I am doing well at work and have school planned out too. Most times, I cannot figure out (for the life of me) why in the world I still feel discontent!  That’s when I pull out my recent glimpses of gratitude.  I remember that I am loved.  I remember that I am valued.  I remember that I am blessed.  And I keep chugging on, doing the best I can to be content.


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